what the actual fuckkk? language is a beautiful fucking damn thing.
I haven’t posted in a long ass time. So why not?
Things have been up and down, I got a job, loved it, now I hate it and almost every human that works there. Ben and I have been wonderful. I always wondered when I would question my love for him and I finally did about a month ago, I wasn’t so sure any more. That’s the past, and I was being ridiculous and over-thinking everything. He gave me the best valentines day ever. It’s like he’s a completely different person compared to last year, and I love that, and I love him.
My friends Jesus, Bitchin, and her boyfriend D&D *code names for privacy reasons* (and Ben of course) have all been chatting about the idea of all 5 of us living together in a house, walking distance to town. It was a great idea for a couple of weeks. I’ve been thinking about it, and NO it is not a good idea. “Bitchin” is a fucking bitch. She is self-centered, pretentious, and a “wanna be slut.” She doesn’t say it directly, but she has called me fat, said that my clothes sucked, and that I’m dumb. She is not my favorite person right now. I don’t want to live with her. EVER. I wouldn’t mind living with Jesus and Ben or just Ben, and surprisingly, Ben is fine with that.
PUUUUUUUUUPPYYY! I might become a puppy momma at the end of this month. Ben and I are going to possibly venture out and get a Chesapeake Bay Retriever. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!? yayayayay!
I put them side by side so its easier for me to compare…it still doesnt look like i’ve lost 25lb between pictures to me though. unless a lot has come off my bum and i just cant see it? IDK…………..whatever happens i want to get as far away from THAT as possible so evidently i still have a lot more weight to lose.
You have such sexy curves!
Those fucking hips. I wish!
Body, why couldn’t you proportion yourself like this? She looks amazing!
Wow, she is beautiful (before & during)
i am having benjamin withdraws. i get to see him wednesday. yeah, it’s healthy to be apart for a couple days and then reunite, but i’d rather just live together and be able to share a bed and snuggle. i love being in love, but it sucks when you can’t have what you long for. i wish we had a place together, just us, and we could invite friends over for food, drinks, music, and video games. i need to win the lottery so we can do that. everyday.
my fella’s beard is crazy delicious, it’s true.. even if it does irritate my face.
The past few days have been incredible. I turned 21, got drunk, told my boyfriend that I love him, saw The Avett Brothers and had my respect restored in them, got to fall asleep all night in my boyfriend’s arms, and I’ve just been so in love and happy.
I think Ben is feeling just as good. We’ve been doing amazing, I can’t even explain it. During the concert, he had his arms around me the whole time and wouldn’t let go. We danced and sang along to all the songs we knew. I will never forget that because last year when we saw them, he treated me very strange, it was rather petty. When the Avetts would sing specific songs talking about love and such, Ben would squeeze my hand or rub my arms and shoulders. I knew what he was doing, he was telling me loved me through the lyrics. I know how this boy works.
After the concert, we had to sit in the parking garage for over an hour because there was a fender bender or some shit. We had the best sing-along. I’m so glad that I belong in that family and they embrace me like one of their daughters. I love him momma, and his middle sister. We sang like maniacs, yelled at people out the window, danced, and laughed beyond our control. We listened to A Lover Like You, and during this line, “I haven’t eyes for anyone else I’m thinking of you and nobody else I haven’t eyes for anyone else but you,” Ben sat there holding my hand and looking me in the eyes when he sang this.
When we got back to his eldest sister’s apartment, everyone got ready for bed, and I was so excited because we had to sleep together in the floor. He wouldn’t let me go and wanted me to keep my head on his chest. He pet my face, played with my hair, rubbed my back. We ended up having super quiet and romantic sex. Sporking all the way. After that was done he had me lay on his chest and we fell asleep for a while. When morning started to approach, we both were awake, and he held me and we fell asleep again until it was time to leave. The car ride home was enjoyable as well because of the music, the fall colors, and just being with him. I am in love, and I don’t want it to end. I have it in my head, heart, and soul that he is the one for me. I want to marry that boy one day on top of a mountain in the autumn. If I have kids, I want him to be the father. I am in love with him, and I want the world to know. I am extremely happy, and I want the world to be happy with me.